Troy Online

001 Get high! Either the Rialto or the Eureka offer great views from their sky decks. (RS)
002 Sunbake on the State Library lawns. (MJ)
003 Grab a cake on Acland Street. (CH)
004 Watch the Grand Final on the screens at Federation Square.
005 Swim in the Yarra! (Maybe up river – not at Southbank!) (MJ)
006 Scallops in the shell at the West Lake Restaurant in Chinatown.
007 Coffees on Williamstown Beach (RS)
008 Go for pasta at Pellegrini’s on Bourke Street (SB)
009 See Paul Kelly play at The Forum or the Corner Hotel.
010 People watch on the weekend at Chadstone (RS)
011 Hang with the emo kids on the Flinders Street Station steps. (MJ)
012 Catch the 96 tram to St Kilda Beach.
013 Find cheap everything at Queen Victoria Markets. (CH)
014 To die for Bellini’s at the Hyatt. (SB)
015 Stroll the Port Melbourne foreshore. (IT)
016 Wander through the zoo in the rain.
017 Hit up the IKEA for Swedish Meatballs. (MJ)
018 Catch a Freaky Friday late show at the ACMI Cinemas.
019 Chill out the Ice Bar on Russell Street. (RS)
020 Dodge the druggies on Smith Street. (CH)
021 Catch a show at one of the theatres – avoid ‘Jersey Boys’ though.
022 Go the lemon and ricotta muffins at Sugar Dough on Brunswick Street. (SB)
023 For a park or garden you really can't go past the Botanical Garden. (IT)
024 Stand under the gas jets at Crown Casino on the hour on a cold night.
025 Laugh at the Southern Star Ferris wheel. (MJ)
026 Until it starts working again and then ride it. (KW)
027 Check out the talent South Melbourne Mc Donalds on a weekend night. (MJ)
028 Do your time in any of the god-awful call centres dotted throughout the city.
029 Grab an overpriced drink at the Long Room on Collins Street. (RS)
030 Get drunk and rowdy in a Gold Class cinema. (MJ)
031 Get drunk and rowdy on a Frankston train.
032 Head down to the Mornington Peninsula. (CH)
033 Find a Readings bookstore for a meal or a read. (IT)
034 Catch a double feature matinee at the Astor Theatre.
035 Don’t do the Tramcar Restaurant – ever - unless its with out of towners.
036 Visit the Organ Pipes National Park. (IT)
037 Be scared by the Hello Kitty shop on Swanston Street.
038 Pay for some love at Tender Touch on Dynon Road. (MJ)
039 Or pay more and visit the publically listed brothel - The Daily Planet! (KW)
040 Gin Palace – just because. (CH)
041 Use side streets to avoid Citylink.
042 Volunteer as a collector for the Good Friday Appeal.
043 Pose on the giant purse in the Bourke Street Mall.
044 Go to the Big Day Out even though the line up is shithouse.
045 Window shop in the GPO – no you can’t afford a $300 wool scarf.
046 Le Petite Gateau in Lt Collins Street for great coffee. (SB)
047 City Pizza on Elizabeth for a $2 slice of lamb pizza!
048 Read magazines for free at Borders in Camberwell – more chance there of getting a seat!
049 Catch the City Circle tram. (KW)
050 Go the sea scallops at Asiana in Port Melbourne. (CH)
051 "Drive" Kings Way at peak hour. (MJ)
052 See a Bollywood movie with all the Indian students at Melbourne Central.
053 Mock random people silently in the street. (MJ)
054 Walk the Yarra from the CBD thru to Gardiners Creek - both sides! (IT)
055 Visit the Craigieburn Gardens. (SB)
056 Ponder the indignity of Phar Lap at the Museum.
057 Shop at any Peter Alexander stores for essential winter PJs! (CH)
058 Drop a book in the rotunda reading room at the State Library.
059 Browse the Kazari Japanese Antique Warehouse in Richmond - off Swan and Church St! (CH)
060 Dodge the charity spruikers at Southern Cross Station.
061 Minotaur on Elizabeth Street! For all your nerdy needs! (CH)
062 Enjoy the wank with High Tea at the Windsor on Spring Street.
063 Pose with the three men statues at the top end of the Bourke St Mall. (MJ)
064 Revolver on Brunswick Street - 5am on a Saturday. (MJ)
065 Avoid any and all Krispy Kreme outlets - 7/11 donuts are just as good!
066 Pop into Honey Bee Toys in Malvern. (CH)
067 Avoid the Australian Open - go to the Kooyong Classic instead!
068 Best fries in Melbourne? Legs And Breasts - Camberwell.
069 Dive bar - The Bull And Bear - Flinders Lane! (KW)
070 If you have to see a blockbuster movie - at least see it at the Jam Factory.
071 Moonlight Cinema in the Botanic Gardens! (CH)
072 Run the 'Tan - or walk it slowly and annoy the joggers!
073 Any train, any line - between 7am and 9am city bound or between 5pm and 7pm outbound. (MJ)
074 Do the Neighbours bus tour - at least once. Do it for Kylie! (KW)
075 Try to photograph a plane passing the boy on the pole statue at the Arts Centre.
076 Breakfast at Roscos @ Chevron on St Kilda Road. (KW)
077 Crown Casino. Just go. (RS)
078 Check out the Polly Woodside outside Jeff's Shed.
079 Drinks at the Hairy Canary. (CH)
080 Visit your local DFO and grab a bargain!
081 See a gig at the Prince of Wales Bandroom.
082 Visit the Kokoda Steps in Serbrooke. (IT)
083 Watching the brave people fly at the Moomba Masters.
084 And the idiots at the Birdman Rally (if it is on this year).
085 Find a 24 hour kebab shop on the weekend. (MJ)
086 Buy high waisted pants at Dimmies. (MJ)
087 Catch a footy match on a freezing July afternoon - 10 degrees at the G!
088 Beers at the Charles Dickens on Collins Street. (KW)
089 Pop into MagNation on Elizabeth Street for the latest bookazines.
090 Tandoori chicken panini and Italian hot chocolate - Brunettis at the Potter Gallery, (CH)
091 Fly into Tullamarine and know you are back where you should be.
092 Cactus Jam in Hawthorn - awesome. (CH)
093 Find the lady who lays down at ATM's and asks for spare change and have a chat. (MJ)
094 Get vertigo at the IMAX by sitting in the front row of a 3D movie!
095 Head towards Inverloch and along the way stop at Caldermeade Farm and Cafe (SB)
096 Bask in the unfunny-ness of Rove. (MJ)
097 Bonus points if you bask in his unfunny-ness from the studio audience!
098 Argue with a ticket checker on a train and once they get real pissed produce a valid ticket!
099 Get your photo in the Sunday Herald Sun society pages!
100 Get beaten up by Matthew Newton!
101 Get all excited about Costco and then buy nothing. (SB)
102 Chocolate Raspberry scrolls from Bread Street Mont Albert!
102 Catch a film at the Sun Theatre in Yarraville. (SB)
103 Sit under the West Gate Bridge and tempt fate.
104 Catch a really, really bad band at The Espy in St Kilda. (SB)
105 Cruise the Maribyrnong River. (SB)
106 Brave pension day at Highpoint!
107 Offer to walk the dogs at the local lost dogs home.
108 Watch Romper Stomper and get angry!
109 Go trash trawling on hard rubbish week.
110 Start a Facebook group - 'Melbourne is better than..." anywhere, really.
111 Then delete your profile from Facebook and claim it is a political move!
112 And then open a new account under an assumed name and stalk your friends!
113 Try to get home on a train after the midnight New Years Eve fireworks.
114 Get upset about the water shortage - but then go water your lawn anyway.
115 Get photo stickers made at that wacky shop on Swanston Street.
116 A very Melbourne treat - frozen chocolate bars - they taste much better very cold!
117 Go speed dating and make up new lies for each person!
118 Sing along with a busker outside the Target Centre.
119 Arrange a meeting with your next blind date outside of Etihad Stadium on a match day.
120 Continue the myth of the perfect laksa "at that gorgeous Malaysian place in the city".
121 Then find that the perfect laksa is at any of the China Bowl outlets around town.
122 Wear any non -Storm rugby league team's scarf to a Storm match.
123 Claim to have slept with Toady from Neighbours.
124 Go to the Melbourne Cup but don't get drunk - bonus points if the trains run afterwards!
125 Spend a Saturday afternoon at open houses in Toorak and Yarraville.
126 Lead an impromptu tour group through the National Gallery.
127 All you can eat? Sante at the casino isn't bad. Isn't that good either mind you!
128 Catch a Morning Melodies with Patti Newton!
129 Try to find illegal bootleg DVDs in the Midcity Mall.
130 Do your St Johns First Aid certificate!
131 For the ladies - score a date to the Brownlow Medal Count.
132 Wear something woefully innapropriate to the Logies if you can get in!
133 Join in a protest march up Bourke Street to Parliament House.
134 Go full on oriental and deck your digs out in stuff from Made In Japan.
135 Get a southern cross tattoo - bonus points if you get one that covers your whole back.
136 Read the MX over someone's shoulder on a crowded train,
137 Yell when that person turns the page too soon.
138 Add the word "mate" after every sentence when in Werribee. "Where's the loo, mate?"
139 If in Werribee and under 16 have two babies!
140 Attempt to argue why Melbourne is better than Sydney to everyone. All the time.
141 Wear bright colours in winter.
142 Try to gatecrash the ANZAC march - very, very respectfully of course.
143 See the big clock chime in Melbourne Central.
144 Buy an inflatable dinosaur at any National Geo shop, inflate and take home on the train.
145 Discover a new inner city lane way that you previously didn't know existed!
146 Petition the Melbourne City Council to name that lane way after Dannii Minogue!
147 Go topless at Midsumma.
148 Pawn a tv (preferably your own) at a Cash Converters!
149 Go ice skating - good luck finding a rink (until the new one at Docklands opens).
150 Parma at the Parma. Figure it out.
151 Spot Steve Bracks at a market and tell him you miss him.
152 Ponder the Burke And Wills statue on the corner of Collins and Swanston.
153 Pose with the dog statue just up from it towards the Regent Theatre.
154 Sell poppies on remembrance day.
155 Go second hand book buying at any Salvos or Good Samaritan stores.
156 Read the paper from the day you born at the State Library microfish viewers.
157 Count the countries that dont exist anymore on the Melbourne 1956 Olympic post on the mall.
158 Put your name down for MCC membership. And wait. About 25 years or so.
159 Ditch your iPod and go old school - Walkman! Or better yet - CD Walkman!
160 Buy boxes full of Krispy Kremes at the airport and fly to Perth and taunt people with them!
161 If you went to primary school here, go back and visit a teacher!
162 Find your teacher's profile on Gaydar!
163 Find your workmates on Gaydar!
164 Get a Bertie Beetle showbag at the Melbourne Show.
165 Try to get a Saturday night reservation at Nobu.
166 Go on a faux safari at Werribee Zoo.
167 Do a weekly food shop at the David Jones Foodhall, then one at Aldi - and compare!
168 Try the Mighty Melbourne burger at Grill'd.
169 Hot jam donuts at the footy.
170 Do the pub quiz at any dive bar you can find.
171 Watch fresh candy being made at Suga.
172 Buy some cheap swag at the Police auction!
173 Lose power at your house for days after a winter storm.
174 But invite the neighbours in for a shower if you have gas hot water!
175 Go the sushi train at Tomadatchi - Melbourne Central.
176 Learn to sing at the VCA - well, if Melbourne Uni keeos the VCA open that is.
177 Ponder why Sydney has a Time Out magazine and we don't. Then start a bootleg version.
178 Dress as a zombie on Undead Day.
179 Don't wear jeans on Jeans For Genes day - make a donation though!
180 Spray yourself with the dearest perfume you can find in Myer - then complain that it stinks.
181 Tell the shopgirl in the Prada store on Collins Street that "it all lacks a certain amount of taste".
182 Refer to the Bulgari store as 'Vulgari' very loudly while walking past their open door.
183 Hire a costume ( a cow perhaps?) and try to go shopping at Woolworths in the QV mall.
184 Launch a grass roots Olympic Bid - Melbourne 2024!
185 Then see Ron Walker and the Major Events Corp. claim your idea as their own.
186 Buy chicken dim sims from the South Melbourne market.
187 Join a community garden and grow nothing but carrots. Just because.
188 Send the mayor a 'Bogan Pride' t-shirt.
189 Max out your credit card at Borders on comic box sets. The Calvin And Hobbes one is ace!
190 Swim in the Commonwealth Games pool at the Melbourne Sports and Aquatic Centre.
191 Or play netball at the State Netball and Hockey Centre.
192 Wear your Crocs around town thorughout winter.
193 Complain after five days of rain that it has been a "dry winter this year".
194 Hate Craig Hutchinson with all your heart and soul.
195 Swim with the sharks at the aquarium.
196 Live an entire day on what you can beg off people at Federation Square.
197 Check out Captain Cook's Cottage.
198 Try to sneak into the Melbourne Club.
199 Travel to all the end of line rail stations just to feel the "outer suburban vibe".
200 Buy your entire wardrobe from Target.
201 Realise how cheap it is to shop at the market - but continue to shop at the supermarket.
202 Buy a CD from those South American buskers in the Bourke Street mall.
203 Dodge the leaflet distributors in Collins Street at lunch time.
204 Eat an African delicacy at Nyala in Fitzroy.
205 Avoid a fight on Kings Street on Friday night.
206 Purchase a gym membership that you'll use maybe twice.
207 Or a season pass for a pool that closes in winter.
208 Wear a plastic bag on your head when caught in a sudden downpour.
209 Get pickpocketed by Romanians at Southgate.
210 Lose an afternoon playing computer games at Timezone.
211 Alcohol + bowling = yes!
212 Try at least once to experience the Boxing Day test at the MCG.
213 Fish your daily paper out of a City Loop bin - they're now see-thru!
214 Gatecrash a Melbourne Uni lecture. (CH)
215 Unleash your inner geek at Classic Comics
216 Buy a random $2 DVD (extra points if it has a Baldwin in it!) at a budget store.
217 Eat a whole roast duck from a Chinese take away!
218 Try your hand at curling when the new ice rink opens at the Docklands.
219 Test out sofas and beds at Freedom Furniture on the weekend.
220 Sit on the pedestrian bridge pontoons near Southgate.
221 Sit in Treasury Gardens while doing the Herald Sun crosswords.
222 7/11 microwaved hot dogs with extra mustard - oh yes!
223 Rent a kayak and paddle from Port Melbourne to St Kilda
224 Stay in a hotel just for kicks - Crown? Sofitel?
225 Get a $10 haircut.
226 If AFL is not your scene check out a Victory match.
227 Fly to Sydney - but go to the wrong airport first! Avalon is a great place to visit! (NOT!)
228 Taco Bill's on Russell Street for the Cancun banquet.
229 Eat a bag of Burger Rings and try not to have primary school flashbacks.
230 Grab some kids and see if you score anything trick or treating in the burbs.
231 Be underwhelmed by 'Chloe' at Young and Jackson's.
232 Stalk an ex- Young Talent Time cast member!
233 Spend a night shooting the breeze with drunks outside The Lounge
234 Go the Director's Suite at the cinemas - but only if a really bad film is on the cards.
235 See a band you have never heard of before at the Hi-Fi Bar
236 People watch at 1am on a Saturday morning at Stalactites. The food is good too.
237 Sneak in to the Botanic Gardens and have a swim on a warm morning in the pond.
238 Check out the view from the top of the Shrine Of Remembrance. Oh - and pay your respects.
239 Check out an animation exhibition at the Silver K Gallery
240 Test the limits of your liver at the Pint on Punt.
241 Pass out on Brighton Beach after a big night out.
242 New Years Eve at Sorrento - rock on!
243 Or if there is a huge rave on at Etihad Stadium on NYE - go there!
244 Learn to dance Indian style with Bollywood Dances.
245 Visit the Church of Scientology and tell them you are mates with Xenu.
246 Gentlemen - tame that luxurious back hair growth at the National Skin Institute.
247 Head to Aqua Health for a colonic - just look away when releasing your anal muscles.
248 Get a set of acrylic nails fitted at Midcity - bonus points if you are male!
249 Head to Box Hill for a massage - a legit one - from an awesome Chinese masseuse.
250 Visit Sarti Tailors for a custom made suit. Worth every cent.
251 Get rid of your calluses with a pedicure.
252 Develop some new holes with the help of the good folk at The Piercing Urge.
253 Try to start a music festival - and fail miserably!
254 Use a taxi to get drive thru Maccas - but offer the driver a Happy Meal of course.
255 Talk to your neighbours.
256 Go home from work "sick" and hit up a Timezone instead!
257 If you live in a block of flats - use someone elses wheelie bin for a few months.
258 Get lucky in a changing room.
259 Get lucky with yourself in a changing room.
260 Visit a Club X - but get 'confused' and end up in a RAM lounge.
261 Take photos of the partially dismantled Southern Star ferris wheel.
262 Cause a scene at the Tiger terminal and try to get on Airways!
263 Or while going through customs to get on Border Security!
264 Extra kudos if you get strip searched!
265 Feel like a kid again in the Butterfly House at the zoo.
266 Burn your 'John So Is My Bro' tshirt outside a Town Hall meeting.
267 Get on Deal Or No Deal and yell "No whammies! No whammies! No deal!"
268 Try to get beaten up by Molly Meldrum.
269 Run up the down escalators during peak hour at Flagstaff Station.
270 Busk outside Flinders Street Station - but only sing Roxette songs.
271 Forward all the spam emails form your gmail account to your manager!
272 Sell old copies of the MX on eBay - mark them as "Incredible Limited Edition!"
273 Flip the middle finger at every CCTV camera you see.
274 Or dance or wave instead.
275 But some ridiculous kitsch whatever at Robio! If they are still open :(
276 Walk the whole length of Collins Street from Spencer to Spring.
277 Write an angry letter to the Herald Sun about how bad the youth of today/Asians/Muslims are.
278 Have sex with Sam Newman.
279 Wear your Crocs in 10 degrees weather.
280 Wear shorts to work and argue they are business attire - in Fiji.
281 Learn lots of foreign swear words and yell them at random tourists.
282 Be underwhelmed by the annual 'Winter Masterpiece' show at the NGV.
283 Or interrupt a tour group by shouting random words - "vivacious!", "colonial", "imbibe"!
284 Ring your local fish and chipper and demand they deliver.
285 Lodge an objection to a random liquor licence application.
286 Or lodge an objection to a neighbours renovation plans and then blame it on another neighbour.
287 Stage a street party celebrating the centennial of some random historical occurence.
288 Wear matching scarfs with your significant other and scowl whenever anyone notices.
289 Open a bar.
290 Claim you have a girlfriend who lives in Geelong when you are obvious gay.
291 Complain about housing prices and then buy a townhouse in Tarneit.
292 Disconnect your mobile and don't check your email for a month.
293 Wait for the walk signal even when everyone else just crosses the road.
294 Buy some flowers and give them out to unattractive girls (or boys) at Southern Cross.
295 Volunteer at Ronald McDonald house.
296 Jog along Toorak Road. On the road. In peak hour.
297 Plant a tree in Flagstaff Gardens and water it daily.
298 Stage an impromptu performance of 'Wicked' on a tram.
299 Do one of those hot air balloon flights at sunrise.
300 Gentlemen - go commando under your suit pants all summer long!
301 Start a grassroots rugby team and disband after a month because you suck at it.
302 Get some cheap culture - see an Opera telecast at a cinema.
303 Buy cheap Chinese DVDs at Box Hill.
304 Go to a deivw in - Coburg, Dandenong or Dromana.
305 Get your 'Happy Feet' fix by hitting up a day trip to Phillip Island.
306 Avoid Puffing Billy at all costs - catch a Saturday night train to Frankston instead.
307 Unless you are in to old trains in which case by all means hop aboard Puffing Billy!
308 Watch a performance by the Bangarra dance troupe at the Arts Centre.
309 Do a dinner cruise along the yarra - Melbourne looks amazing from the river.
310 Check out the real party animals - night tours at the Moonlit Sanctuary!
311 Wander around the CBD and try to spot where they filmed 'Ghostrider'!
312 See where we all came from at the Immigration Museum on Flinders Street.
313 Oi Vey! Head to the Jewish Museum of Australia (The Gandel Centre of Judaica) in St Kilda.
314 Ni Hao! Maybe the Chinese Museum is more to your tastes? Little Bourke Street folks!
315 Get really messy and grab some mates for a round of Indoor Paintball!
316 Or head out to the burbs and enter an Indoor Cricket tournament.
317 Get pissed while playing the pinball machines at Barcode.
318 Beer and mini golf! Pitch Putt in Mulgrave!
319 Or hit up one of the dozens of golf courses for a real round.
320 Have a picnic on a platform at Southern Cross Station!
321 Find a comedy club with an open mike night and make the world laugh!
322 Do a coffee making course at Barista Basics and then be a coffee wanker!
323 Get lucky with the boys who like boys on Commercial Road in Prahran.
324 Find and then send yourself the worst Melbourne postcard you can find!
325 Grab a copy of 'Dumbo Feather' and kill an afternoon reading it in a coffee shop.
326 Try to gatecrash wedding photos at Treasury Gardens!
327 Line yourself up a regular f-ck buddy.
328 Get some 'artshots' done for your f-ck buddy at Starshots or Blush.
329 Head to Geelong and check out the 'Ford Experience'.
330 While there ask where all the Commodores are.
331 Get all patriotic and eat local fauna at Tjanabi at Fed Square
332 Before that why not get all horse mad at Champions - the racing museum - also at Fed Square.
333 Walk on the turf at the MCG after a footy match.
334 Party with Wayne Carey!
335 Get sponsored by Emirates for something - everyone else seems to have...
336 Get your Pepsi Caramel Cream soda at the USA Foods shop.
337 $6 movies before 4pm - Mondays at the Cinema Nova in Carlton!
338 Start a band and get on a festival bill.
339 Pay your respects at the Weary Dunlop statue on St Kilda Road.
340 Head to Section 8 for some container bar action - go the Mountain Goat Hightale Ale!
341 See the next Cirque du Soleil touring show and complain about the lack of a plot.
342 Then go see Circus Oz which is just as good - if not better.
343 Learn something about Islam - chat to the Islamic Council of Victoria.
344 Or maybe pick up some sign language through a VicDeaf course.
345 Head out of town for the meal of your life at Vue Grand in Queenscliff.